AIMful conversation
aiming, aiming, aiming–pretending for a little while, until I couldn’t breathe
me (10:58:31 PM):I feel really really bad
Randomwiseperson (10:59:13 PM):talk to me…
me (10:59:38 PM):no, I’ll confined to Allah me (10:59:45 PM):just distract me will you?
Randomwiseperson (11:00:27 PM):ok, hmmm
Randomwiseperson (11:00:54 PM):is there a reason behind this youtube video, or just random sharing??
me (11:00:55 PM):distract me will you?
Not feeling so hot
Randomwiseperson (11:03:42 PM):where’d u go?
me (11:03:53 PM):i’m here
Randomwiseperson (11:04:15 PM):ok so is this youtube video related to anything that happened, or just random sharing?
me (11:04:56 PM):made me feel that my blog is the right thing to do
me (11:05:26 PM):to poor out my sadness
me (11:05:35 PM):ughhhhhhhh
me (11:05:44 PM):I feel really really melachoney
me (11:05:53 PM):I think I should go and pray
Randomwiseperson (11:06:36 PM):(are u going now?)
me (11:09:51 PM):yeah
me (11:09:56 PM):my chest is hurting
Randomwiseperson (11:10:23 PM):do u know any durood? aka salawat?
me (11:11:10 PM):huh?
Randomwiseperson (11:11:28 PM):ok once u come back maybe i can talk about it
me (11:12:20 PM):sure, after I pray
me (11:12:43 PM):salaam
Randomwiseperson (11:12:54 PM):wa alaykumsalaam
Later
Randomwiseperson (1:47:28 AM):(my name) how are u feeling?
me (1:47:42 AM):sincerity
me (1:48:02 AM):alhumduillah
Randomwiseperson (1:50:13 AM):its usually what i tell everyone but i hope the email helped
Randomwiseperson (1:50:31 AM):how do u feel sincerity?
me (1:50:35 AM):I appreciate it
me (1:51:09 AM):I just do, and frankly I feel it’s fragile and I don’t reall want to analyze it
me (1:51:15 AM):it’s there though
Randomwiseperson (1:51:18 AM):J
Randomwiseperson (1:51:42 AM):ok i shud let u go
me (1:52:36 AM):when I need to leave I will tell you
Randomwiseperson (1:52:46 AM):lol aww
Randomwiseperson (1:52:57 AM):demanding!
me (1:53:07 AM):lolz, i don’t mean to be a brute
me (1:53:14 AM):you can go if you want
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NEXT DAY
Randomwiseperson (12:23:12 AM):what are u thinking
me (12:24:15 AM): In this personal capsule, where there is only your voice to be heard. I realized there was this gap in my heart.
“My deen is kindness;
my mosque is nature;
my God is a love deep insideâ€
Rings so true. But this love deep inside which use to be so great, so vast (or at least I look but and think it was) seemed so empty. I should be feeling Allah within me. Instead there was a vast expanse of wasteland… I looked inside and saw this ill-fitting and ill-equipped landfill, with things and people jetting out because they weren’t really suppose to be there. Allah (swt) was.
me (12:24:19 AM): from my blog
when I started crying in my qur’an
Randomwiseperson (12:25:43 AM):mmmmm
Randomwiseperson (12:26:33 AM):أنا جليس من ذكرني
Randomwiseperson (12:26:47 AM):“I sit with the one who invokes/remembers Me”
Randomwiseperson (12:27:03 AM):i find thats a good measuring stick
me (12:27:30 AM): ummm
me (12:27:35 AM): i feel it’s not enough
me (12:27:52 AM): like I do all the things I need to do
me (12:27:54 AM): and more
me (12:28:13 AM): I feel immense joy in life
me (12:28:28 AM): despite hardship and heartbreak
me (12:28:34 AM): but I feel
me (12:28:36 AM): ummmm
me (12:28:55 AM): I should literally FEEL Allah within me
me (12:28:59 AM): idk me (12:29:20 AM): I really don’t know what wrong with me
Randomwiseperson (12:29:44 AM):well wud u say that ur running after joy and joyous experiences?
Randomwiseperson (12:30:15 AM):cuz then it wud be defining Allah’s presence by joy and His absence by lack of joy, whereas He’s always there
me (12:30:37 AM): yes
Randomwiseperson (12:30:37 AM):or that’s not the case anyway for you?
me (12:30:49 AM): but even in pain
me (12:30:55 AM): I see beauty
me (12:31:04 AM): and thus there is momently joy
me (12:31:08 AM): and in pain
me (12:31:19 AM): where all I feel is pain at the moment
me (12:31:29 AM): I want to feel Allah’s embrace
me (12:31:48 AM): and I have felt his comfort before in such overwhelming pain
me (12:31:54 AM): but….
me (12:31:56 AM): ummm
me (12:31:58 AM): last night
me (12:32:02 AM): when I left
me (12:32:08 AM): I went outside
me (12:32:18 AM): in the field to pray and cry
me (12:32:35 AM): and against the earth
me (12:32:38 AM): hugging it
me (12:32:45 AM): I felt some comfort
me (12:32:56 AM): but just some
me (12:32:57 AM): bas
Randomwiseperson (12:35:58 AM):its easier to come to Allah thru His Messenger He sends to you…. one of the hadiths i like to talk about is the one where Ubay (remember my email) is complaining to Rasul Allah (asws) that someone recited the qur’an differently than he did, and Rasul (asws) placed his fragrant hand upon Ubay’s chest and said, “dont u know Allah sent it down to me in various Ahruf (hard to translate, maybe modes??), and Ubay said, “at that moment i trembled in awe and looking at him,it was as if i was looking at Allah Himself” (Sahih Muslim)
Randomwiseperson (12:37:50 AM):he’s the same sahabi that wanted to spend all his dhikr portion doing salawat, and he’s the one that everyone in the world who recites Qur’an is indepted to, because it all came thru him
Randomwiseperson (12:38:06 AM):indebted*
Randomwiseperson (12:38:14 AM):anyway, salawat…. maybe this story can help explain what im trying to say
me (12:40:52 AM): follow the sunnah keep the sunnha close?
Randomwiseperson (12:41:14 AM):much more than “follow the sunnah” tho more like merge into him (alayhi salat wa salam) i dont know if u’ve heard the name, but there was this very famous Wali (u can say “saint”) named Abu Yazid al-Bastami, who had a student
Randomwiseperson (12:43:26 AM):hmm, well maybe i’ll keep that story till later, it needs some intro
Randomwiseperson (12:44:26 AM):the person begins to do salawat
Randomwiseperson (12:44:54 AM):slowly the bad character traits fall off (greed, pride, etc), and replaced by the good ones
Randomwiseperson (12:45:55 AM):in an almost effortless way, the person “molds” into his form (asws), he automatically walks the same way he used to walk, even tho he might have never heard or read a description of how he walks
Randomwiseperson (12:47:08 AM):slowly slowly the love connection grows between them, thicker and stronger… when he prays for example, its like the Prophet is praying inside of him, thru him….. “and know that within you is the Rasul Allah” (Qur’an 49:7)
Randomwiseperson (12:48:03 AM):all the blessings that Allah sends down to anyone, actually goes thru him first, like he’s a cosmic conduit of that enormous flux of blessing Randomwiseperson (12:48:52 AM):“Allah is the Giver, and i am the distributor (qasim)” - Bukhari, so the closer u attach to him, the bigger of the share of the blessings u get that flows thru him
Randomwiseperson (12:49:57 AM):altho for example u dont receive the revelation from Jibril like he did, since no prophet after him, but the echoes of that descent are still reverberating, and u catch and absorb that echo
me (12:50:23 AM): insh’ALlah but you see I think when I was younger
Randomwiseperson (12:50:37 AM):until u experience something of the closeness he experiences
me (12:50:40 AM): I did feel that closeness but I was in constant anguish (I have such extremities of feelings) and I was very unhappy so is there a trade off?
my heart says no but my experience says yes
Randomwiseperson (12:52:09 AM):what do u mean by trade off exactly
me (12:52:44 AM): that in order to *feel* Allah–feel close I have to sarfice my happiness but maybe my happiness isn’t so true…? because it is from the dunya?
me (12:53:06 AM): psht
me (12:53:08 AM): no
me (12:53:13 AM): that’s stupid
me (12:53:16 AM): i suppose
me (12:53:18 AM): idk
Randomwiseperson (12:53:57 AM):(my name) all it means is the work isnt done yet
Randomwiseperson (12:54:25 AM):continue on, ur on the right path, just keep walking
Randomwiseperson (12:55:50 AM):knowledge can rush in all at once, but purity takes time and step by step, purification is too overwhelming to be done all at once):read the qur’an, do the dhikr and salawat, it will burn away any impediments and impurities and clean and clean the heart
Randomwiseperson (12:58:06 AM):then the more “real” Allah gets
Randomwiseperson (12:58:14 AM):if that makes sense
me (12:58:22 AM): yeah, insh’Allah but the older I get the more liberal I become
Randomwiseperson (12:59:04 AM):liberal??
me (12:59:09 AM): ummm in pratice I have curently more rigorious with myself put in mind
but* in mind catharsis’es constantly incur
I doubt things lie the vilitity of fiqh
Randomwiseperson (1:00:58 AM):validity??
me (1:01:06 AM): yeah yeah
me (1:01:09 AM): one sec
Randomwiseperson (1:01:13 AM):sure
me (1:03:55 AM): ok I am all for hijab–but read with an open mind–it’s not just about hijab–it’s about fiqh
me (1:03:58 AM): http://www.ijtihad.org/Hijab.htm
Randomwiseperson (1:07:30 AM):But for some inexplicable reason, the ascendant Islam today is highly legalistic and Shariah-obsessed. Islam in the mind of many Muslims is nothing but Shariah - what it really means in operational terms is that the beauty, the virtues and the meaning of Islam is confined to the rather mundane domain of medieval Islamic legalist discourse - Fiqh - which lacks the intellectual depth of Falsafa (Islamic philosophy), the aesthetics and the mystery of Kalam (Islamic theology) and the spirituality and charisma of Tasawwuf (Islamic mysticism).
Randomwiseperson (1:07:32 AM):i agree
me (1:07:57 AM): I agree wholeheartly
Randomwiseperson (1:08:37 AM):i also like his point about the epistemiologic hijab, separating women fromthe sources
in the past women were much more involved in learning and teaching, but over the last 3-400 years, thats been in decline
me (1:09:12 AM): yeah no female scholars
Randomwiseperson (1:09:42 AM):well no female scholars currently (or very few), but in the past plenty
hmm he did make one mistake tho: Even historically, men and men alone have developed all the Madhahib - legal schools, and legal principles, even those that deal with the most private aspects of female existence
Randomwiseperson (1:12:35 AM):good article
me (1:13:17 AM): i thought so too
me (1:13:26 AM): it looks like I need to go
November 11th, 2007 at 4:34 am
Fascinating stuff. I’ve been in similar discussions in the past. Thanks for sharing. Did it feel cathartic?